Sleep training the easy way!
/Disclaimer: I am not certified in any way as a “proffesional” on this subject. I am however a mother of 3, who’ve all slept 12 hours through the night as infants!
There are few things more important in life with a newborn than sleep. For the sake of both mama, siblings, and baby themself! Sleeping has got to be one of the most talked about topics amongst new/young moms! I don’t think I’ve ever been around a group of women with a new baby that the question “how’s baby sleeping?” doesn’t get brought up! So the question is, if it’s so important, why do I hear more moms say “I wish” than those who answer “actually, GREAT!” I like to consider myself a champ of sleeping babies, and there are more factors to it than just one! So I thought I would compile all of my thoughts, tips, and tricks together to hopefully help the next mama out when it comes to the magic of sleep! :]
Early Sleep Training:
Tired babies sleep, overtired babies are restless! I do not recommend doing any sleep training before 4 to 6 months. If your infant is having trouble sleeping, I do not think it’s good to implement any training tips until they are at least four months old. However, there are plenty of things you can do from day one, to omit any training even being necessary when they get to be that age! There are sleep “habits” I like to call them, that you can implement starting at day one, that will ensure they will be amazing sleepers for a long time to come!
EAT, PLAY, SLEEP should be the only schedule you abide by in those early days. Making sure to feed on demand is very important always, but especially if you want a good sleeper! Feeding as soon as they wake up is expected and becomes a habit that you will want to follow as much as you can! In the first 24 hours - two weeks their play time will last anywhere from 5 minutes to 45. Each day that time will increase! I like to reference a guide such as the one below when figuring out babies AWAKE times (that is the only information I pay attention to). Keep in mind that that time also includes the time they spend eating. So if they are spending 30 minutes eating and based on their age should be awake about 45 minutes, than you should be paying very close attention at that 15 minute mark to ANY sleep queues.
SLEEP QUEUES: Babies sleep queues vary quite a bit and can include anything from sudden blank stares or more babbles, to the more obvious like putting their hands in their mouth or yawning. YOU will get to be the best at reading your babies sleep queues, and understanding them the most, in time. When those sleep queues come to play, immediately pick baby up, lay them down where and how they are comfortable, and let them be! Most babies love the security of a swaddle, some don’t enjoy that. Another thing you will learn about your baby in time. I would try a swaddle first!
Understand your baby! As a new mom, I came across a video posted of a woman who was on Oprah. She had figured out early in her life that she had a phtographic memory of sound. With this gift when she became a mom, she realized that babies have their own language and they communicate in a way for us to understand, if we just know what to listen for. You can watch the video HERE, and see what it is I’m talking about. I watched her video and studied one specific sound. The sound of hunger! I didn’t get great at the other sounds, but I knew if I could really hear and understand hunger, probably the most important communication to understand from a baby, then the rest I could kind of decipher on my own. I always ruled out hunger first, then usually my next guess is tired. As a mom, you can tell when you’re baby is uncomfortable or in pain based off lots of things! And you can usually figure that out before listening to a sound! ;] Knowing this information and skill, has helped me truly be in tune with what it is my baby’s have been trying to communicate with me, and how to find an answer to their needs.
It is okay for babies to cry! You will quickly come to know and understand the difference between a crying baby and a fussing one! If you let a baby fuss, they will often find a comfortable position and fall asleep on their own, and before long they are doing it without any fussing at all! These are the kinds of things you can implement starting at the moment a baby is born or comes home, in figuring out where and how they are able to get comfortable and relax. When you figure those things out, you are able to aide in baby being as comfortable as possible when its times for sleep!
They will schedule themselves!
YOU are the best advocate for your child, period. You know them best, you know if they’re tired. You know if they’re hungry. You know what they need. When you know they are tired, put them down. I promise they will sleep if you just let them! Remember, tired babies sleep, overtired babies are restless. So if you put that baby down when they are tired rather than waiting until they are overtired and restless, they will sleep! And eventually they will start to get on their own schedule based on the time they wake up, the time they shoul be awake and the time they will go down to nap each day.
It’s all about consistency! After a while of the EAT, PLAY, SLEEP schedule, you will start to see a consistency in their nap times. Like I said before, they’re play time will increase as they get older, and their naps will become “chunkier”! They will start to nap longer and stay awake longer. When you look at information like sleep schedules, it will often include something like a 10 am morning nap, and a 2 pm afternoon nap. If you stick with consistency from the beginning, you will find they figure out that schedule on their own! Paying attention to awake times will help you decipher when it should be time for a nap and look for sleep queues.
Stay strict to a schedule for both nap time and bedtime! Naps are just as much, if not more important than bed time! Those little brains yearn for and respond best to the consistency of a schedule, and knowing what to expect. They are more likely to cooperate and stay on track when they know what is next and what a bedtime/nap time routine looks like and includes! When they find that schedule, you’ve got to do your best to stick to it.
Keep bedtime routines simple and short. Keep energy low and include things like a short bath, reading a book, or singing soothing songs. Pay attention to those sleep queues and ALWAYS start bedtime and nap time routines at the same time. For example, if baby is waking at 7 and they could be awake for about 1.5-2 hours, I will start to pay attention to sleep queues at that hour and a half mark and as soon as I see one I will instantly pick baby up and lay them down!
LET THEM BE!
It’s easy to think that if you put baby down and they begin to fuss, they’re not ready to go to sleep. Be patient, and let them get comfortable. Starting a pattern from day one that includes baby finding a comfortable spot on their own, leads to them being able to do so forever. I promise, babies are born with the desire to sleep when they’re tired, they just need to be able to figure out how.
Calm, Happy, AWAKE! In those early days, when you are following that eat play sleep schedule, it keeps you in a system of knowing what comes next. I always change the diaper as soon as they wake up to also aide in fully waking baby up in order to nurse. They can be so sleepy in that first 24 hours-2 weeks, and you want them to be fully awake to feed. Once you’ve fed you know that they “play”. Play time may not even happen in the first little bit, but when it does, you know that when their behavior changes at all, sleep is next. Making sure baby is fed, changed, calm and awake when laying them down is crucial. When you lay them down awake, they have the opportunity to find comfort on their own and fall into a deeper sleep right away. When you lay a TIRED baby down who is calm, happy, and awake, they will sleep!
IF they fuss, I always used the magic number of 10 minutes. I would wait 10 minutes before walking in to calm them down (trying not to pick them up if I can) and then leaving them again to be calm, happy, and awake, and try again. With babies who I’ve implemented good sleep habits for from day one, I’ve never had to go in after that 10 minute mark. If they aren’t asleep already, they are quiet or hardly whining and I continue to let them be until they fall asleep. But with Charlie, who I actually had to “sleep train” I went in the first night twice (total of 30 minutes until he was asleep), naptime the next day I went in once (less than 20 minutes), and then that night he was asleep in less than 10. It only took him a couple days before he was sleeping with no fuss.
They WANT to sleep!
It’s never too late to start sleep training! The longer you wait the harder it is, but it is never too late. Consistency is key, and letting them get comfortable on their own. Charlie was my only binky baby. He was used to his binky and needed it to sleep. Once he got to an age where he started to practice the motor skills to put his own binky back in his mouth, I took it away! I know that’s when most kids get attached for a really long time and I didn’t want that to happen! So cold turkey, at 6 months, I took it away on the night I started sleep training. By a day or two later I gave it back to him just to see what he would do and he bit on it. He didn’t even remember what it was for! WIN! :D
Once they get used to a schedule and their bed, they will ask for it. Kalia is 7 months now, and already will dive for her bed if I hold her too long and she’s tired. Charlie is 4 and basically tucks himself in because he knows the feeling of being tired and how to fix it. He wants to go to bed at bedtime. Isaiah grabs his blanket and is happy to head for his bed when I say it’s time. He wants to sleep.
Consisntency is key. They know what bedtime routine is, what it looks like, feels like, and what it means. They are happy about bedtime because their bodies are on a system and understand when it’s time. When they are overtired, it’s a nightmare and they all have a hard time falling asleep.
Try to always put them to sleep in the same place! I don’t know about you, but kids are real used to being on the go. Especially number three! But I try my best to get home midday for nap time and let them sleep in their beds. Charlie has finally dropped his nap recently, but Isaiah still take a solid 2 hour nap every single day and Kalia take 2-3. I try to get Kalia’s best nap in at home where she usually sleeps the longest. It can be a blessing and a curse sometimes having them so used to their bed. Church can be rough at naptime when all they want is to be laid down in their bed for a nap, and I’m trying to rock/snuggle them to sleep at church. But products like this really help while we’re on the go and make her feel like she’s in bed!
If your baby is older, and you’re worried about starting too late, don’t stress! It may take a little more work, but stick to it! In the resources below is the book I read, and it is sectioned out by age! It is my very favorite resource and absolutely works if you stick to it!
You got this!
Remember that no one knows your baby better than you do, mama! Those tiniest littles pick up so much on every emotion we feel and they know when we are frustrated. Do your best not to get frustrated when it comes to sleep, and I promise things will go smoothly! If they don’t nap right on time, its okay. You know when they’re too upset for self soothing so pick them up, let them play a few minutes longer, and then try again. Sometimes their brains need a little refresh and then they’re fine. Either way, know that you are amazing. You’re doing amazing, and YOU are their mama. You are always who they’ll need. They don’t need the perfect you, they just need YOU! <3 I hope this helped you lots!
Xoxo,
Mama Pome’e
Resources:
Sleep Sense Program: I downloaded this book in kindle version and read it via the kindle app on my phone/ipad! BEST resource ever, and my favorite part is that there are methods for both cry it out and without doing that! So whatever you as a mama prefers, there are ways to get your babe’s sleeping better!
The graphic came from The Mama Notes! I found the graphic by searching “baby awake times” on Pinterest!
